Beginners Guide to the D/s Relationship

A Beginners Guide to the D/s Relationship in the House of Dark Knights


All I write upon this is simply for the education of those who wish to be a part of our lifestyle. Some of what I shall cover is basic tenants to all paths within the vast world of BSDM yet most are tailored to the type of House we have chosen to have. I wanted to make this point very clear for it is our belief that there is no truly wrong or right way to live this lifestyle. However, we do believe that whatever that path is, certain things should be consistant...and that is it should be Safe, Sane and Consensual.

Principles of this House

After giving this a great deal of thought the Lord Steel and myself have decided that we would speak on each principle briefly here as an overview but in further papers devote time and energies to discussing more of them. In this House our number one principle is that of love. The definiton we use for love is as follows -unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. If one does not love his/her servant (submissive/slave) one cannot truly meet any of the other principles.

The next tenants are that of mercy and compassion. One cannot lead this lifestyle within our own House without these. They are most important on those who become more then just the typical domestic servant but it should be found on all levels. Mercy is defined as compassion or forbearance shown to one subject to one's power. This lifestyle is about such tenderness shown, not about abuse. If your servant/submissive uses his/her safe word, it is up to the Lady/Lord involved to respect this trust. It is up to you to show him or her mercy. Compassion is an intricate part of mercy. It is defined as a sympathetic consciousness for others distress together with a desire to alleviate it. Even if your servant/submissive is a masochist and you a sadist, meaning that you like to receive or give pain within this House compassion is given with mercy. It is given when a safe word is called. It is shown by after completing a scene or enjoying for example the whips with your partner that you show them compassion, you actively dote upon them the caring and love that brought you together in this lifestyle.

The next tenants for now that I feel important to speak about in this section of this essay is that of strength and honour. The definiton of strength within this House is a legal, logical, or moral force or a strong attribute or inherent asset. Honour we define as a keen sense of ethical conduct. This we find as equally important within this lifestyle. Strength within this House does not mean one has the right to be overbearing or abuse another in their relation. It means that he or she has the right to protect and nurture his or her partner within a loving D/s relation. With this comes honor. When one places another's value above his own he truly has show he has the right to have strength within that relation.


I know that this essay has been short but packed and for this I shall draw it to it's conclusion to allow you to think upon what you've read and thoroughly digest all this House stands for. The relationship between D/s is very important to this House. Even though we use the terms L/s it is the basic set up as most other D/s relations and because of this I shall use the term D/s loosely and ask that all make sure they understand our terms, located on our terms page.

Within this house, the delicate relationship between Lady/Lord and their servant is one that is prized. It is valued and their safety, love and mindset is extremely important. It is important to us to make sure that they are loved and know they are loved. At times this may simply be telling them they are loved. At other times it is sitting down with them and finding out what they like in the lifestyle. Some will come to this lifestyle as domestics and others as play toys but in either scenario the good Lady/Lord will question their servants thoroughly to make sure that they feel loved and valued as to their input into this relationship. This also opens up the lines of communication that are necessary within this House and lifestyle.

Once this relationship is set up and the communication is open between the Lord/Lady and their servant we enter into the next phase of the relation which is the safety of the servant as well as the Lady/Lord. of the relationship. It is important that both persons in this relation exercise mercy and compassion. This being that both respect each other's limits. One should know what the desires and limits are before this relationship is entered into and this comes from an open line of communication. Mercy and Compassion should be used in great quanities within this relation so as to uphold the number one tenant- love. If your partner begins to feel umcomfortable with a particular activity be it the servant or the Lady/Lord it is out of your love in this relationship for each other that you practice mercy and compassion. You should stop all play and talk about it lovingly and openly with one another.

As the relationship flowers one will find that the final two tenants become of their own accord, natural. Mutual support and respect in this House are refered to as having strength and honor. Honor is the highest form of respect that one can show to another. It takes the Lady/Lord and servant to place their partners needs , desires and wants over their own. When both mutually do this a loving relationship is maintained. The strength comes from both partners in a desire to protect and nuture the other partner. Do not be misguided by the many selfish people in this lifestyle who say that a D does not have to respect or nurture his or her s. That is misguided and truthfully in our House, abhored. From love comes love. From respect comes respect. Learn these lessons, live them, practice them and a beautiful relationships flowers and flourishes.

We wish you blessings always in this lifestyle.

Lady Steel

Copyrighted March 15 2003